I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
