Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
