So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
