Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
