i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize