Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
