Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
