just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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