You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
