This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
