Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
