Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
