ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
