i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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