I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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