He is an equal opportunity slut.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
