Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
