Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
