fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
