I've blown a few things in my day
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
