Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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