did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
