Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
