I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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