If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
