I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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