Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
