the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
