I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
