Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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