Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
