I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were destined to go to rehab together
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
