The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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