I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
