I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
