I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
