i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
