Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
