JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
