no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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