So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
