Non-Jews are for practice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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