carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
