Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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