She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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