I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
