why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
