This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
