porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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