just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
