walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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