Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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