she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
