What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize