i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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