My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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