He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
