he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
