Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
