i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
