It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
