don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
