Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
