In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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