Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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