No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
