I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
