I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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