so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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