If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
