he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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