He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
