So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
