that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
